In any kind of BDSM context, many people have very precise ideas on how to
perform various kinds of punishments. The list is basically neverending,
like spanking, needles, clamps, electro torture, whips, sticks, and all
the like.
To couples who mostly engange in "SM" in its stricter meainig, those
punishments are actually what they are interested in. A masochistic
partner actually likes to be punished, and depending on the level
of punishment and the level of masochism, the punishment is actually
enjoyed, looked forward to and/or actively being asked for.
However, getting back to my much enjoyed and previously blogged about training in a more D/s like setup, a punishment needs
to be an actual punishment. I think any form of education/training
is most successful if there are both, punishment and rewards.
Depending on the submissive/masochistic partner, I've discovered that there can
be multiple quite distinct reasons for accepting and in one way or the other
'liking' punishment.
The former kind of mostly masochistic group of people
derive pure enjoyment/lust from the pain that is experienced as part of the
punishment. It's - I would at least suggest that - a mostly physical thing.
Sexual arousal from pain.
The latter group, I'd say they are mostly submissive, actually enjoys/accepts
the punishment as a consequence of them doing something wrong. They don't
actually enjoy the actual pain. Rather, they see it as a part of the power
that the dominant partner is able to exert over them. And they can enjoy
being punished as part of the process to be more like their dom/master
would like them to be.
As usual, everybody is different, and these are just my very personal
observations over some time now. And many 'bottoms' will actualy be part of
both groups, to some degree. But I guess you get my point.
So especially, for that latter group of mostly submissive individuals, there
also needs to be some form of real reward. An obvios (and obviously easy, for
the dominant partner) way is to define reward as absence or reduction of
punishment, restriction or predicament.
So lets assume the submissive partner has to endure whatever restriction to
please her partner, such as e.g. feet-killing high heels, a tightly laced
corset, gag, [butt] plug, clamps, whatever. Then it's easy to reward any
desirable behavour by loosening/removing that obligation.
Also, in my humbly opionion, verbal rewards are extremely important. Let the
submissive partner know that you are extremely happy with a particular performance,
that you are proud of your good girl/slave/pet/... After all, she voluntarily
submits herself to the dominant partner, in order to please him, and to make him
happy (and be happy because she can make him most happy in that way)!
Another option which I find particularly tempting, is to consider sexual
pleasure/satisfaction as a reward. This obviously varies with the partner, but
at least with partners who have a healty to strong sexual drive this can work
quite well. So in such a setup, the dominant partner can tell the submissive one
that she will only get fucked as a reward if she performs her [however defined]
duties well before. Sometimes her motivation can be enhanced by making sure she
is/gets already quite hot and horny while performing the actual duty (by having to
wear some sex toy or whateever else is keeping her aroused but does not provide
the chance to orgasm.
Obviously this will only work if the dominant partner can actually control himself
from not taking her just because of his sexual desire (before she has performed whatever
duties she was supposed to perform). I personally have to admit that I absolutely never
had any problems resisting that temptation, but I've heared of men who have ;) This can
also give another twist to the overall game. Lets presume she wants to get fucked, and
thus takes care of her duties, and wants to be rewarded. If he is watching her, she
can behave (if permitted) in a particularly slutty way, show herself off, behave even
more in the way she knows that turns him on :)
This kind of 'reward by sexual pleasure' play will probably find its strongest
form in couples who engage in chasity belts or other chasity devices. I
personally haven't really got any experience with it, and it isn't something
that is on the top of the list of things I like to try. But sounds reasonably
interesting, still :)
Which brings us to another topic, that is not at all a reward, but somehow relates to
sexual pleasure in a D/s setup, oto: It's one of my personal favourites and
called 'orgasm control'. Allowing the submissive partner only to orgasm after
having asked and being granted permission to do so. Yes, sometimes that can be
hard for her. But hey, who said it's going to be easy :)