Breast enhancement, or rather: plastic surgery in general

Until recent years, I've always been a strong opponent of plastic surgery, particularly breast enhancement. People should just appreciate the nature of their body, and use conventional methods such as sports to keep them in shape. That kind of position/attitude is probably owed to my left-wing political background.

However, things have started to change. Like in many other cases, there is sort-of an ambivalence inside myself. The one side wants to see the person in question as a human being, from a humanist / human rights / all-people-are-equal point of view. This side wants to warn about risks of cosmetic surgery, about potential complications, the follow-up procedures for replacement implants every couple of years, etc.

On the other hand there is my pervert side. This side thinks: Well, how much more extreme can you go with the concept of "suffering for beauty"? There you have a woman who is willing to have quite extensive surgery, probably every couple of years just in order to look better. Actually even more specifically: To look more sexy. To look more attractive for you.

Looking at it from this side is actually a quite big turn-on. I would still never require anyone to do something like this for me. I'm too responsible for doing things like this. It's a decision with a lot of consequences... but if a woman was willing to do it in order to look more sexy [at least partially] for me, then I could call myself a lucky bastard!

It is also one step further in the direction of fetishizing the actual body. Not only wearing fetish gear like high heels, corsets, latex clothes, etc. to change the body appearance from the outside, but actually changing the very shape of the body itself from the inside.

Also, I perversely like the psychological point of the woman in question objectifying her own body, perceiving it as a surface that she can shape by whatever means available. To learn and experience that her body can become supernatural, more than 'just' nature, ...

First-time sex with asian girl

I've never considered myself as somebody having much of an "Asian fetish". Yes, sure, there are many beautiful (and to me sexually attractive) asian women - but that's more or less the same for all ethnicities.

There is one thing about women in South-Eastern Asian mega-cities such as Tokyo, Taipei, Shanghai or Hong Kong: They genearlly do care a lot about style and fashion - much more than many of their western counterparts. Now one may argue what that tells us about social pressure in the respective countries. But given my pre-disposition, I cannot help myself but enjoy the benfit of it. I happen to enjoy women who are more or less obsessed with their outfit :)

Also, in many of those places temperatures tend to be quite high during large parts of the year, facilitating the use of more revealing attire than used in other, colder parts of the world.

Then there is the issue of the truly asian influences in fashion, primarily the much more extensive use of all kinds of stockings like overknees. Being a fetishist means that I will obviously enjoy that :)

Anyway, about a week ago it happened: My 'first time with an asian women'. I wouldn't have assumed that it's that much a big deal to blog about... but it is :) It's probably not as much the fact that she's of asian ethnicity, but much more the fact that she's of a very petite and slim body type. And that simply feels great.

So it's much easier to grab her, to excert some kind of physical control or restriction. For a dominant male, that's a _really_ nice feeling...

Five inches is not enough

The probability is high that you have read this phrase as a subject line of one of the many "penis enlargement spam" mails that are currently flooding the net.

It is interesting, though, what kind of association I initially had (and still have) when first reading that phrase in my inbox: High heels.... where I actually think that five inches are enough, but well, sometimes they aren't, if you want to torture your victims feet a bit more ;)

A sexist trousers fly

I've recently discovered that one of my 'formal' trousers (bought some time ago during one of my trips to India) has the indications/recommendations for washing/cleaning/drying at a quite unusual and peculiar location.

That is: in the fly, hidden beneath the zipper. This makes you wonder for what reason made that particular manufacturer did it this way. Obviously, the fast conclusion of the evil mind is, that the instructions have been strategically placed there because it is invariably to be seen by the well-behaving lady who performs her duty of orally satisfying the guy who wears those trousers.

Furthermore, it supports the conclusion that the same woman would also be taking care of the laundry, thereby providing a two-in-one effect. How efficient. If there wasn't the serious doubt that there are many people who would be able to eroticize washing instructions.

So it remains unclear, whether it really is some kind of a sexist joke, or just a mere coincidence...

Happy, Lucky and busy

With respect to my last posting about one month ago, I can happily report that my (sexual, personal) life has changed quite significantly since then. Who would have thought that I'd be finding somebody to not only share my perversities with, but also a loving and caring partner at the same time?

Well, sometimes wonders do happen. And it's not even my doing. The girl was after me, not the other way around :) It sounds like a phantasy from the geek paradise, but I now have living proof that there actually are girls who dig pervert geeks! For the ease of the language in the remainder of this and future articles, we shall call her Jane Random Pervert.

So the last couple of weeks have not only been incredibly busy from a "professional life" point of view, but also busy exploring my new partner, her personality and [last, but not least] her sexuality. She's even more open-minded than I am, which I deeply respect. There's almost nothing that she wouldn't try at least once :)

One definitely new experience for me was to perform fisting. I've always been curious how hard it is, how it makes me feel, and how the person being fisted reacts. To my big surprise, Jane is very experienced with it, and had no problems whatsoever taking all of my fist into her vagina. For me, it was an interesting sensation of power and control. Being able to please and inflict pain at the 'twist of a finger' in the most intimate spot. And being pleased by noticing how much those intense feelings are being received by my willing victim. All in all, a lot of fun. But well, I guess you could call it cheating on my side, since there was no need for any kind of training/widening the subject to finally be rewarded for taking the whole hand.

You might consider it a lack of taste, but we've actually done "CAT6 cable bondage" (who needs bondage rope if there's network cabling in various lengths?). Unfortunately I was too fascinated to take some pictures. But this shall be repeated in short time.

Desperate and busy

My never-ending busy travel schedule currently hardly gives me enough time to spend for even one consecutive week at any given place, not even at home. This is extremely annoying, and it needs to stop. Some business related travel scheduled for end-of-november therefore definitely is the last travel I'm going to schedule. I'll try to stay at least half a year in my home town afterwards.

Why am I telling you all this? Because it severely interferes with my personal / private / sex life. Actually, it doesn't interfere, but rather kills that part of life completely. What would be the point even to try to meet a 'suitable woman' if I would not be able to spend any time with her?

So all I can do is dream about what I could or would do, if I had the time and was able to find a suitable woman for sharing my dirty little phantasies and actually living

Anyway. There's one thing that I'm getting more and more certain every single day: I am not looking for any soul-mate or intellectually interesting partner anymore. All I'm interested in right now is to be able to once again live out my dominant and sadistic side again. This does not at all mean that I wouldn't be interested in a serious relationship. Yes, I would love it to be serious, and durable. Being able to dominate and control my partner, and to love her in return for all her devotion and submission.

It's really making me feel sad and sick not to be able to have anyone to share this side of life with. I need to change that soon, otherwise I'll get mad. Until that point, this blog will unfortunately be very quiet, I fear. I'll continue as soon as 'my life' resumes.

Huge archive of erotic stories:

Back in 'the old days', e.g. before having Internet/Usenet access, but being merely active in the BBS world, I found lots of very interesting erotic stories. There were lots of groups sharing those stories, completely non-commercial, just for the fun of it.

Some of those stories turned into long serials, some of them ended up at the size of a book, 300+ pages if printed (which I actually did).

However, with the end of the BBS scene (and the downfall of Usenet), I got out of touch with any such communities - and due to more and more 'mainstream' getting online, it was harder to find it anyway.

So I basically gave up looking for such 'stories' quite some time ago, until I recently discovered ASSTR, probably the biggest archive of 'amateur' / non-commercial erotic writing on the net.

I've read a couple of them, and I discovered that I enjoy reading 'mind control' phantasies, obviously combined with male dominance and fetish elements. It really is a major turn on to imagine being able to take the phantasy of controlling a female subject further, way beyond what is possible in the real world.

Pervyy haiku poems

This entry will mark the first guest appearance on this blog. Ylith, a friend of mine has tried herself the first time in writing some pervyy haiku poems.

With her permission, I'm therefore able to break the long silence in this blog, which is mostly due to myself being buried alive in work :(

Cocksucker choking
Deepthroating is gift from God
Only masters gain

Little slut dreaming                                                                                        
Of heavenly master dick                                                                                     
Why worry? It will cum                                                                                      
Monster buttplug in                                                                                         
Lubricated gun of pain                                                                                      
Master says: Good girl                             

Some more thoughts on training

While recently having attended a performance of a famous group of artists of acrobatics, I started to think about training in some general terms, not just specifically in the D/s context. Given those extraordinary control about their body that these acrobats have (and probably inspired by their tightly clad bodies), that flow of thought just occurred to me. Oh and yes, I obviously also had to think of the kind of positions they would be able to have sex in, but that's not the issue that I want to write about right now ;)

So let's first look a bit at the acrobatic artists: They train their bodies to bend into positions that seem impossible. They obtain a feeling for (and control of) balance that is truly amazing.

What will bring them to one of the [world] famous acrobatic companies? They will probably endure hard training starting at a very young age. Many of them will not be doing this entirely voluntarily, but more because their parents/trainers keep on insisting that such valuable talent has to be "made use of", improved, etc. Certainly none or almost none of the artists will be able to sexualize/eroticize that kind of pressure, submission, ...

Looking back to the D/s training, especially in those areas that I'm interested in, I think there's some analogy. It, too, is about achieving higher control about certain aspects of the body. Being able to control the gag reflex in the case of deep throating. Being able to sustain quite unnatural position of the feet in case of high heel training. Being able to handle an increased breathing rhythm and constant pressure to the body, maybe even reshaping the torso in the case of corset training.Other people also like to engage in anal training, being able to stretch the sphincter to a desired above-average level. Or, lets look at posture training, where the trainee has to learn how to walk and manage to keep a book on top of the head, without making it fall.

So in both cases we're dealing with the fundamental strive to alter/enhance some physical aspect of the body. I think in both cases (to a varying degree) the main motivation can be described as: To be able to be better than other people, to be different from them, to be special. To please others (and oneself) by demonstrating the abilities of the enhanced body. To be respected/recognised by the enhanced abilities. I think it's just logical that training of something for the purpose of sexual enhancement of the body can also in response become sexually rewarding - whereas training for something asexual, will just be regularly rewarding.

The closest connection between training acrobats and sex related training is probably visible in the case of certain contortion fetishists. Here the mere act of being able to bend the body is what is fetishised. I can hardly imagine that for a couple where e.g. he is a contortion fetishist and she is a contortionist, she wouldn't be more motivated to proceed/advance with the contortion training, because she notices his sexual reaction. This doesn't even mean that we are talking about a D/s relationship at all. Obviously a combination was possible (and isn't it an extremely interesting one?).

Remote controlled toys

Being a technology geek since my childhood, and my general interest in all kinds of sex toys, it's easy to understand my fascination of electric/electronic sex toys. Obviously everything that somehow vibrates is already quite nice. E-Play, i.e. toys that apply electric current to the body (such as EMS/TENS units) also is of interest to me.

Please note that I'm not interested in using sex toys on myself. I like to use sex toys to play with a (my!) female toy. Yeah, men and their toys... they'll never grow up.

But what is probably the ultimate line of thought (and arousal) in this area are remotely controlled toys. There are butterflies/vibrating eggs with a cable 'remote' control, which is already quite nice. Being able to make "her" (the female toy) wear a butterfly under her skirt, hiding the cable under some clothes and putting the remote control into some belt bag or similar already poses nice opportunities, especially for provoking her physical sexual arousal in (semi-)public [but not too silent!] places.

Another interesting method is to attach any vibrating device (let's stay with the butterfly for some time, since from my experience this is the most effective, because clit-stimulating toy) to a computer. Now add a web cam or similar, and make your remote partner use that equipment. Software-controlled vibrators can also be programmed to perform very interesting "ramp-up the level slowly and then pause for some time" operations. I've built (and tested) one such device, and I can tell you it was incredibly joyful for both her and me. I didn't touch her once. She was tied to a chair, unable to close her legs or to touch herself with her hands. Wearing a butterfly connected to a computer, while I was controlling it from my laptop, carefully testing the various interval/pause ratio to see how she'll react.

Anyway, another project that I used to work on some three to four years ago, is a real remote control, by using tiny RF modules. There now are some cheap (well, actually they are only low-quality and still cost quite a bit of money) RF controlled sex toys, but they have extremely low range (3m), are unreliable, inflexible (just on/off) and low battery lifetime. Buying any of these is a terrible waste of money. So I was working on that DYI project. Unfortunately I then was with a partner who wasn't really interested in such forms of sex, and the project was abandoned.

I've recently been working on a number of RF communications related projects, including the design of a tiny, ultra-low-power 2.4GHz transceiver. The plan is now to reuse this design to revamp that remote control plan. Since the transceiver contains a small micro-controller, programming it with various vibration patterns/curves is not a problem at all, even on-the-air readjustment of the patterns is easy to do. A small control unit (key-chain-size) would probably only offer some three buttons (mode, up, down) to select pre-programmed patterns, but using a PC or some bigger PDA-like device you would have the full control.

Now stop the tech babble and get back to what I would do with that kind of device? Well, just get back to the start of this entry. I'm extremely fascinated by the possibility to "bother" my partner with physical arousal in unexpected situations. This device gives plenty of opportunity to do so.

The second version definitely also needs to include support for controlling some form of an electric shock unit (this could be a generic e-play output, allowing for soft stimulations up to hard shocks). Then the operator of the control unit is put into a position where he can both reward and punish at a fingertip. Yes, there are electric dog collars which basically support the punishment operation. But they look quite ugly, and are visible to the outsider. Also, I would want to apply the electric current at some different location ;)

Given my current spare time, it will still take some time to do this. It's not a skill level at all, mostly a time issue. But at the moment I'm aiming for August to finish at least the first vibration-only version.

Phantasy: The Trip, Part one

Being someone who happens to do quite a bit of air travel, I can't really help but to sometimes dream of a very special kind of trip. So far, I haven't managed to turn this particular phantasy into reality - but at least some parts of the story are real and have happened in a slightly different situation.

I hope one day, rather sooner than later, I'll be lucky enough to be gifted with a partner open-minded enough to actually go for making this dream real. Applications welcome ;)

Ok, this is going to be sort of a slow start. If you think it's too boring, drop me a note.

Joe is once again in his final travel preparations. Being an internationally renowned expert in his field, he happens to travel a lot. Today, he'll be heading on a business trip to Canada. But this time everything is different. For the first time he'll be accompanied by Sarah, his new passion, submissive partner, female toy, however you might call it..

Joe and Sarah are very much into BDSM, or more specifically, into dominance and submission. They met a couple of months ago using a specialised dating website for the BDSM community. After exchanging many lengthy emails on their sexual preferences, phantasies and dreams, they decided to meet.

For Joe it was clear from the very first moment that Sarah is a very special woman. One that thoroughly understands his passions, with a natural devotion, not 'just' one of those masochistic pain sluts. Last but not least, her sex drive is as strong as his. "She might enjoy her kinky side even more than me", Joe keeps thinking from time to time, still in disbelief that after all his desparations he might just have found his ideal partner.

So here they are, doing their travel preparations. Normal people would just pack a couple of clothes for such a short one-week trip.

Sarah is by now quite used to the dress code that her master has established for her. A collection of rules that assure she will always "please his eyes" whenever he's around. Especially when being at home, he likes her to dress extremely sexy. When going out, he usually permits her to dress a bit less provocative, but still very female.

This time, Joe hat something very specific in mind. This was a special day, and a special day calls for a special outfit. He opened the closet and made his choice: A black long-sleeved stretch leotard, black thigh-high halter stockings, a black, wide, somewhat frilly mini skirt, combined with one of her favourite overbust corsets, the one made of black/burgundy brocade.

When Sarah noticed his selection, she was a bit worried. She doesn't have any problems dressing like he expects her to.. but for travelling on an airplane? With hundreds of people watching her, etc. For one instant she asked herself if it really was that much of a good idea to agree to accompany him on this trip. After all, she's never been able to join him on one of his trips before, mostly because her university schedule didn't permit it. But this time her semester holidays coincided with Joe's travel schedule, so she didn't hesitate to accept his invitation. She doesn't have all that much chance to travel anyway, so she thought it is a good chance for a bit of holidays.

Apparently Joe had other, less relaxing plans for her. She looked again at the outfit he had selected and laid out onto the bed for her, she glanced at him one of "do-you-really-think-this-is-necessary" expressions. To no avail. He looked back to her quite insistingly. She started to dress. After Joe "helped" her lacing the corset (much tighter than she would have, but still bearable), she disappeared into the bathroom for getting her makeup done.

Meanwhile, Joe finished to pack the suitcase. He had to make sure that all the required utilities and toys for his plan were there. Among them a small whip, a riding crop, some 25m of soft cotton rope, a nice ball-gag. He almost forgot to pack the Lycra catsuits that Sarah always has to wear as night wear. Finally, he choose a pair of burgundy coloured suede leather boots for Sarah to complete her outfit.

At the time she emerged from the bathroom with her hair and makeup done, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. "You are the most beautiful and sexy girl I ever met.", he said while his arms were embracing her, resting on the backside of her corset, pushing her breasts to his chest and making her feel his erection. "I see you've made your choice of footwear?"

"Yes, and don't think I'm finished with you yet.", he said while his hands moved a bit further down, lifting her skirt, firmly grabbing her cheeks. "What else is it", she asked hesitantly, but he only replied "patience!".

At 8:40am the cab was waiting in front of their apartment building. Joe grabbed the suitcase and asked her to lock the door. They both sat in the back of the car. Joe on the left, Sarah on the right. Joe indicated her to move closer to him, making her now sit almost in the centre of back seat. He put his right hand hand onto her knee, caressing her nylon-clad leg. Slowly he proceeded upwards on her thigh, his fingers touching the lace on top of the stocking, beneath the skirt. He turned his head towards hers, looking at her beautiful face and into her eyes. Coming a bit closer, still looking at her, he said "Spread your legs for me, my little slut.". Her eyes widened, but she obliged to his request and spread her legs, causing the skirt to move up a bit and exposing some more of her things. Given her centric position in the car, the driver must now be more than aware of Joe's hand resting between her spread legs.

"Why am I doing this", she asked herself. "Why am I exposing myself to this cab driver. At the same time she was well aware that besides all her rational doubt, her feelings were quite different. She enjoyed that moment. Being forced to show herself off to that driver, making him aware that she was Joe's little slut, and that she would do almost anything for him, at least way more than most other women would ever do.

Joe kept caressing her inner thighs, and as he kept reaching higher and higher, he finally reached her cunt, still covered by the bottom of the leotard. He shifted it to the side, and touched her most sensitive spot. Knowing Sarah, Joe wasn't really surprised that she was already quite wet from their little semi-public play. Given the intensity of his finger work next to her sweet spot, she already had quite a hard time to suppress her moaning... eyes already half-closed.

Suddenly he pulled back his hand. She opened her eyes, expressing a look of desperation. Her rational mind thought well, maybe better this way... but her body wanted more. Joe fiddled with his hand in the pocket of his jacket, grabbing something, moving the closed hand with its concealed item back between her legs, under that tiny section that was still covered by her skirt.

"Now you know what was still missing" he silently told her, while pushing the first of the two connected love-balls toward her wet pussy. As each of the two balls went in, Sarah couldn't help anymore and failed to fully suppress her moans. Joe put back the crotch piece of the leotard, pulled back his hand and draped the skirt properly over her still partially spread legs. He smiled at her and said "Good girls have to be kept aroused, and you want to be my good girl, don't you?". She nodded silently.

Their Taxi ride came to an end. Joe paid the driver, who didn't make any notion or comment on the events he will most likely have witnessed in his cab. At the airport they stopped at a snack bar. Suddenly Sarah asked Joe "Joe, I know you don't like these kinds of questions, but how long am I going to wear 'these', and what about the security check?". Joe replied "Don't worry, no metal parts inside". She was at least partially relieved. He apparently knows how to take care of the details...

One hour later, they had already passed the security check. Sarah had to take off her corset because of the metal boning. But that wasn't really a big deal, since she's not naked beneath. Joe enjoyed lacing her tightly for the second time today, this time even inside the departure gate, with plenty of spectators :)

[... to be continued ...]

The beauty of suffering. Suffering for beauty? Being vain?

In almost all of my prior journal entries here I have cut into the subject of some woman being restricted or suffering one way or the other by some item of attire, such as corsets, high heels, hobble skirts, gloves, etc.

As it seems, this subject is of quite some significance to me. It is the message that I receive by a woman wearing such attire: "I will take whatever amount of suffering in order to look good [to you], in order to attract, to please [you]. I will be rewarded by the reaction, the approval, the arousal of those people looking at me. I _am_ like they only dare to dream."

This basically means she is submitting herself. In case it's a submissive play partner, than submission to the dress/style preferences of the partner is only consequential. But in the case of a complete stranger, it is submission to the perceived (perverted?) wishes/desires of a certain subculture, or in some cases even mainstream.

In mainstream fashion, we already see quite some level of submission to fashion, albeit in a very different way. Women who voluntarily or involuntarily, consciously or subconsciously, submit themselves to whatever the fashion industry pushes down their throat. To most women I think it is some kind of external pressure, to which they obey. Not something associated with a conscious act of submission, and not particularly sexualized / eroticized, if at all.

Many women, especially those subject to a good degree of vanity, will claim that they are doing this for themselves, not particularly to attract men (although that might be a by-product). I think they'll actually do it because they're slaves to the fashion and beauty industry and their gigantic advertisement and PR campaigns. Nothing erotic about that :(

In the goth, fetish and BDSM subculture there are a lot of people who exploit this strain of vanity in their own way: The conscious submission to a particular ideal of beauty. One that is perverted, one that intends to please the sexuality of the beholder. Going to more extreme fashion, dare to arouse other people by how you style yourself. Consciously turning yourself into a sex goddess (or slut, or love toy, object, depending on your personal phantasy and which role you like to play). But it's a role in a game, something that you can start and stop voluntarily. Something that both you and the people who appreciate such behavior will enjoy.

I think this kind of conscious kinky game is much more healthy (in both mainline society and subculture) than any kind of subconscious pressure and conditioning that we see a lot with people who never think about such issues, and just behave like society / the fashion + beauty industry expects them to behave.

Latex fetishism

I thin I mentioned already that everything started with my Lycra fetish. According to my memories, Latex was the chronologically next "extraordinarily interesting" and arousing material.

One thing I might want to add initially: As with all of my fetishes, I never find the mere object (latex, high heel, corset, ...) interesting in itself. It only becomes interesting/arousing when worn by a woman, or in some cases when i wear it myself.

This is actually drawing some kind of line. There are people like me, who enjoy fetish fashion as an extension to the natural beauty of a human body. And then there is a different group, where the mere inanimate fetish object is the source of arousal. While I respect everyone's sexuality, the latter group seems a bit strange to me, personally.

Anyway, let's get back to Latex. I don't really remember my first encounter with a photograph of a latex-clad beauty. It must have been one of those many digital pictures that I had access to in the various BBS networks in the early nineties.

Anyway, I really enjoyed the shiny slick look of Latex with it's skin-tight fit very arousing. Not too hard to understand, considering that I already enjoyed skin-tight Lycra before :)

So I got myself a number of catalogues for further enjoyment. It wasn't until I turned 18 that I dared to tell anyone about this, and not until two years later until I actually had my first real-life encounter with a female partner who would wear some latex for me.

So what exactly do I like? First of all, (long!) gloves, thigh-high stockings, garters, leotards, long tight dresses and last but not least catsuits. I both enjoy "traditional" black, plain latex wear, as well as latex fashion, where the focus is more on the actual fashion aspect then on the fetish aspect.

I always thought the look[s] of a latex-clad female body is arousing, until I learned how it actually _feels_ to touch the slick, tight-fitting seamless shiny material the first time. Now I think the feel is at least as important than the looks.

Apart from the look and feel, there also is once again, like with corsets and high heels, the element of restriction. Latex is tight-fitting, elastic but strong. It puts constant pressure on the body. If you pull it some way, it will pull back :). If you still don't understand what I mean: Think of a tight-fitting long latex skirt, and how it constricts. Think of latex stockings, and the way they will carve into the hollow of your knees while bending them for some more amount of time. Think of the level of numbness that latex gloves cause to the fingers, and the stickiness of the material. Once again a perfect combination of "the beauty of suffering" :) As you might have discovered, one of my favourite subjects.

Unfortunately many women find latex "too extreme". From my experience it's definitely easier to find women interested in high heels, corsets. No wonder, given that the general attribution of these is "female" even in most parts of the mainstream society. Latex has much more association with "perversity" in it's negative perception. How sad.

High Heels - and my ambivalence to them

I still remember the days, especially during my childhood and maybe even up to the age of 19/20, when I still considered high heels as most disgusting items of footwear.

The careful reader of this blog will have noticed the overlap in time frames. Yes, I already had my lycra and latex fetish, and I was used to various fetish stories and photographs. Still I didn't like high heels.

But over time, my taste has evolved. I still consider a number of high heeled shoes repulsive, but on the other hand there is a whole set of designs that I *love*.

For those interested where I draw the line: Foremost, I like anything that has a platform. Independent whether it's pumps, boots, or whatever. Platform is always good. Second, I almost never like shoes where the toes are still visible. Third, knee-high boots are preferred over shoee with lower bootleg, or even over thigh-high boots. When it comes to the actual shape of the heel, I prefer heels with a larger diameter, not the stiletto type. Why is all that? I can't tell you, but it really is like that :) All the details matter somehow.

So what is the magic of the high heel? And what does it mean to a dominant/sadistic male? Aren't high heels usually associated with the dominant female? The heels that are to be licked by the submissive slave? The footwear that makes the woman taller than the man, expressing physical superiority? To a number of people this is obviously true.

To me, high heels fit into the picture of a submissive woman. How? To a certain part because of their restrictive nature, much like a corset. The high-heeled woman is restricted in the speed of walking, in the height of stairs she can walk, in the duration she can stay on her feet in general, etc. So once again it's self-restriction (or restriction by her master) for the mere purpose of looking sexier / more attractive. I like this kind masochistic vanity :)

To another part, I like high heels because they are often (at least for me) associated with the slut/whore, the sexually available woman. As I like my submissive partner to be sexually available, and as I like her to show this availability [at least to me], I thus like her in high heels.

Also, once again very similar to what I like about corsets, is the trainig aspect. The submissive partner can be trained to get used to high heels, to endure them for longer and longer periods of time, to be able to wear higher and higher heels. Again, this is "to be able to" and not that I would demand her always to wear the highest heels available.

Now, some of you might ask yourself: And what about those bizarre ballet boots/shoes? Yes, after a couple of years in disgust, I can appreciate them, too. Appreciate them as the ultimate goal of high heel training. I haven't ever had the chance to be with a partner who was interested in achieving that goal, though.

But it's not all just male phantaasy. Yes, I know at least one women who would love to [learn/train to] wear them, and who actually finds them very beatiful. Unfortunately they don't seem to be available where she lives... but she's planning to visit me in Germany at some time, and I'm quite sure she's in for some ballet boot shopping.

Jeroen van der Klis - the corset master

I've seen many corset designs from many maunfacturers and vendors. One that has been quite exceptional during all these years is Jeroen Vanderklis.

Don't let yourself be misguided by the low-quality web site. This guy is a master of corsetry, not of web design. I'm especially amazed by the variety of designs, from very classical designs all the road down to heavy-duty bondage corsets. Also, the number of corsets is quite impressive, given that this is a one-man shop. The number also somewhat provides a clue to how many people actually are into serious (look at the waists!) corsetry.

Actually, the poor quality of the website has prompted me to contact Jeroen and to offer my services as a volunteer for creating a new homepage with working galleries, etc. He seems to be interested, so with some luck his fans will be able to appreciate his works of art in an even better way.

Corset Rental

It might be just my very personal experience, but I've met a large number of women who like to wear corsets [at least from time to time], mostly as a fashion statement, but who have the severe lack of funds for this probably most expensive garment.

I am actually facing more or less the opposite problem (having some money for investing it in most beatiful things). Also, over the years, I've piled up a small collection of some 18 corsets in my shelf. No, I don't wear women's corsets, crosdressing is not what I have in mind. I mostly bought them to be worn by [former] [play] partners, or for some specific photo sets.

So what actually happens from time to time is that I get inquiries from one of those women who happen to know this exquisite habit of mine and ask me if I would borrow them one. Obviously, this is an act of friendship, and not something that I would ask money for. I'm happy to know that the respective corset is worn by a fashionable lady.

So sometimes I wonder whether there would be a business in this. Not that I'm interested in making money out of it, but just as a general idea. Renting a corset matching to a particular outfit is probably an option for the occasisional corset wearing person.

Punishment... but what about rewards?

In any kind of BDSM context, many people have very precise ideas on how to perform various kinds of punishments. The list is basically neverending, like spanking, needles, clamps, electro torture, whips, sticks, and all the like.

To couples who mostly engange in "SM" in its stricter meainig, those punishments are actually what they are interested in. A masochistic partner actually likes to be punished, and depending on the level of punishment and the level of masochism, the punishment is actually enjoyed, looked forward to and/or actively being asked for.

However, getting back to my much enjoyed and previously blogged about training in a more D/s like setup, a punishment needs to be an actual punishment. I think any form of education/training is most successful if there are both, punishment and rewards.

Depending on the submissive/masochistic partner, I've discovered that there can be multiple quite distinct reasons for accepting and in one way or the other 'liking' punishment.

The former kind of mostly masochistic group of people derive pure enjoyment/lust from the pain that is experienced as part of the punishment. It's - I would at least suggest that - a mostly physical thing. Sexual arousal from pain.

The latter group, I'd say they are mostly submissive, actually enjoys/accepts the punishment as a consequence of them doing something wrong. They don't actually enjoy the actual pain. Rather, they see it as a part of the power that the dominant partner is able to exert over them. And they can enjoy being punished as part of the process to be more like their dom/master would like them to be.

As usual, everybody is different, and these are just my very personal observations over some time now. And many 'bottoms' will actualy be part of both groups, to some degree. But I guess you get my point.

So especially, for that latter group of mostly submissive individuals, there also needs to be some form of real reward. An obvios (and obviously easy, for the dominant partner) way is to define reward as absence or reduction of punishment, restriction or predicament.

So lets assume the submissive partner has to endure whatever restriction to please her partner, such as e.g. feet-killing high heels, a tightly laced corset, gag, [butt] plug, clamps, whatever. Then it's easy to reward any desirable behavour by loosening/removing that obligation.

Also, in my humbly opionion, verbal rewards are extremely important. Let the submissive partner know that you are extremely happy with a particular performance, that you are proud of your good girl/slave/pet/... After all, she voluntarily submits herself to the dominant partner, in order to please him, and to make him happy (and be happy because she can make him most happy in that way)!

Another option which I find particularly tempting, is to consider sexual pleasure/satisfaction as a reward. This obviously varies with the partner, but at least with partners who have a healty to strong sexual drive this can work quite well. So in such a setup, the dominant partner can tell the submissive one that she will only get fucked as a reward if she performs her [however defined] duties well before. Sometimes her motivation can be enhanced by making sure she is/gets already quite hot and horny while performing the actual duty (by having to wear some sex toy or whateever else is keeping her aroused but does not provide the chance to orgasm.

Obviously this will only work if the dominant partner can actually control himself from not taking her just because of his sexual desire (before she has performed whatever duties she was supposed to perform). I personally have to admit that I absolutely never had any problems resisting that temptation, but I've heared of men who have ;) This can also give another twist to the overall game. Lets presume she wants to get fucked, and thus takes care of her duties, and wants to be rewarded. If he is watching her, she can behave (if permitted) in a particularly slutty way, show herself off, behave even more in the way she knows that turns him on :)

This kind of 'reward by sexual pleasure' play will probably find its strongest form in couples who engage in chasity belts or other chasity devices. I personally haven't really got any experience with it, and it isn't something that is on the top of the list of things I like to try. But sounds reasonably interesting, still :)

Which brings us to another topic, that is not at all a reward, but somehow relates to sexual pleasure in a D/s setup, oto: It's one of my personal favourites and called 'orgasm control'. Allowing the submissive partner only to orgasm after having asked and being granted permission to do so. Yes, sometimes that can be hard for her. But hey, who said it's going to be easy :)

The magic of the corset

Today, I would say that the corset is the single most interesting piece of female garment to me. Unlike my lycra fetish, I can't actually track back when I first saw one, or when I first felt my attraction (and reaction) to them.

What is noticable with my fascination for corsets, is the flexibility / variety of different connotations that a corset can have to me, depending on the circumstances and situation.

First of all, when e.g. worn as part of a historical costume, ball gown or similar, a corset can be extremely female, classic/classy, and most of all be an indication of style and elegance. In such a context, there is nothing sexual and/or perverted in my appreciation and admiration of the bearer of the corset.

Secondly, a corset can be incredibly sexy, both as outerwear and as underwear. Both as part of any kind of goth / fetish fashion outfit, or as part of something more mainstream compatible.

Third, a corset can be interesting just because of the constricting effect it has on its bearer. There's almost nothing more fascinating than watching the quick and limited breathing of the chest of a tightly laced lady. Seeing her happily and willingly suffer for her vanity. Feeling that she voluntarily gives up the flexibility of her body, the ability to do anything physically exercising, not being able to eat any full meal, etc. - just for wearing the corset, improving the shape of her body / looks, and for the effect it has on the eye of the beholder.

Fourth, a corset can be used as an instrument for discipline and training in a D/s kind of setup. The dominant partner can for example demand wearing of the corset from the submissive part to explicitly provoke any of the abovementioned effects (1-3). Also, the restrictive (and depending on the tightness increasingly uncomfortable) character of the corset can be used as punishment for any infamous actions by the to-be-trained submissive. Another possibility is engaging in corset [tight-lacing] training as a means to keep the submissive constricted, or even to permanently alter the body shape. For those still interested in more, there are special posture corsets that e.g. pull the shoulders back and enforce a certain desired posture onto the bearer.

And where do I personmally fit into the picture? Well, I can really appreciate corsets in any form, from the occasional elegant outfit down to tight-lacing as part of a D/s setup.

All this fascination, lust and pleasure from a single piece of garment. Isn't that fascinating in itself?

Education and Training as part of D/s

One of my favourite scenarios in a D/s kind of relationship are related to education and training of the submissive partner. Being presented with the gift that the respective submissive partner allows me to influence her in a way that she [semi-]permanently alters her behaviour, her habits, or whatever else I desire. Isn't this the biggest, most influential and intimate gift one can give another person (or receive, in my personal case)?

Before talking about what I enjoy about training/education games, I think it is important to distinguish between the various kinds of relationship that the two respective partners are in.

  • role playing
  • Some people just like the role they are playing associated with training. It's not important whether there actually is any success, and in fact they don't actually want to achieve any behaviour change. In fact, they can start with the same setting next time all over again, and the to-be-trained one can forget everything. It's merely about playing the situation of e.g. a teacher/student kind of setup. While I can understand why that setup, much like any other role playing, is of interest to certain people, it really isn't interesting to me.

  • bdsm-play relationship
  • In a relationship that is either only for BDSM (specifically D/s) play, where the respective partners just meet for play and have their own 'real life', do not form a love relationship / partnership, there is actual possibility for training. However, whatever will be the spcific training goal, the changed behaviour will only apply within the BDSM setting, and not or only unintentional extend to the real life.
  • love relationship with bdsm-play
  • Basically similar to the last category. However, the partners are also involved in a love relationship. Any BDSM related play however happens within a specific setting, that is clearly distinguished from realtiy. Any submission (and consequently any training) only happens within the well-defined play setting.

  • 24/7 TPE or the like
  • In this situation, the partners agree to let the game become reality. The submission of the submissive partner is permanent, and the dominant partner can actually perform training that effects the real life, real personality, real behaviour.

My personal fascination in this area belongs to into the last three forms of training in relationships as indicated above. Obviously [for me], there is an increase of fascination and interest from the for-play-only down to the 24/7 form.

As for training goals, my personal favourite is to turn the submissive partner into my ideal sex slut, my personal sex toy. What does this precisely mean? I like to train her to understand and follow my personal preference of a dress code. She will e.g. have to learn that skirts are almost always a must, that naked legs with no nylons or pantyhose are taboo, that bodies are preferred over panty/bra combinations, that boots almost always overrule most other styles of footwear, that shoes which visibly show the toes are unacceptable, and so on.

As for training of sexual practice, I definitely enjoy training her to learn deep throating, to teach her how to properly offer her body in the [for me] most attractive way. She will learn how to behave "slutty", how to show off in a sexy way, how to expose herself with various grades of sublety, initially for me, and later on (if that is acceptable to her) for others.

As for general behaviour (within the 'play time', if it is not 24/7), she sould learn how to behave appropriately in my presence, e.g. show her affection, make others understand by various means that she really belongs to me - an intensity of belonging in excess of what most people can imagine :)

Now one or the other reader might be asking himself: Yeah. This jerk just wants his perfect slut. Where will he ever get it from [apart from his dreams], and what does she get from all of this? Let me reply like this: Whatever I've mentioned here, I'd like to train her to be able to do it. This doesn't mean that I constantly require her to do any of that! And what does she get from it? Well, first of all, we're talking about somebody who is already enjoying the mere act of submission. Under this presumption, I can use this submissivness to make her go further down that road. To put the bit of extra motivation and sometimes even pressure onto her that makes her go beyond where she would have gone on her own. But in a direction that she herself finds sexually and or otherwise arousing and pleasing. I have no intent nor joy to train somebody to be something that she doesn't acutally enjoy being.

This is not all mere phantasy, but I've actually been lucky enough to be gifted with [play-]partners to actually engage in working on a lot of the training goalds outlined above. And I was having the best time of my life :)

Last but not least, in my opinion and from my experience, any kind of training within the bdsm context will only work if the to-be-trained partner is at least as submissive as masochistic. If she is primarily masochistic, she will actually voluntarily do things wrong in order to be punished, and the punishment is actually a reward and not a punishment anymore.

A partial workaround for this dilemma is to distinguish between punishment that is attractive to the masochist, and punishment that is actual punishment. The former, original punishment then becomes the reward. Do you agree that this sounds confusing? Yes, I think it is confusing. But it seems to do the trick for some couples.

Lycra Fetish

It all started with Lycra. Yes, that shiny elastic material that is being used for lots of sports fashion, bathing suits and the like.

Many years ago, I must have been twelve years of age, I started to notice that somehow my eyes were magically attracted to girls in skintight shiny sportswear. It was the brink of the nineties, when leggings were actually considered quite fashionable for some time.

Don't get me wrong: Not that I didn't find girls attractive by themselves; but the shiny skintight material added something 'magical' to their bodies, turning them into something even more fascinating.

I couldn't explain it (and I wasn't actually looking for any kind of explanation at that time), and I still can't really explain it with any of my fetishes today. It just exists, and I have learned to accept it the way it is.

I do not want to imply that schoolgirls/minors are sexually attractive to me in any way, to the contrary!! Please put the abovementioned statement into perspective. I was at the same age at that time, so it was only natural that I find them interesting.

The fascination was big enough to start collecting advertisements and snippets from sportswear mailorder catalogues. After some time later, I even bought some lycra leggings myself, wanting to feel the smooth fabric snapping skin tight to my own body. Obviously my parents found them at some point, but that's another (very unpleasant) story.

While in the upcoming years I have discovered and experienced many other interesting materials such as latex and pvc, my lycra fetish exists to this very day. Luckily I'm not the only one, and there are a number of manufacturers offering a variety of lycra catsuits and the like.` To me, at night, there's nothing making me feel better than having a lycra encased female partner next to me, whom i can cuddle and snuggle (and occasionally do more, thanks to the catsuits with crotch zipper *g*).

On privacy of the author and the openness of this blog

As you will notice, I never mention my real name anywhere in this blog, neither do I give you any non-virtual contact data. Whois also won't help you, I've used's service to conceal my personal data from anyone but those who have a legal right to know. The actual hosting is done on the server of a close friend of mine, whom I can also entrust not to reveal my identity.

While I certainly do live my kinky side of life quite openly, I still don't want my real name associated with this blog. Especially if virtually all your business life happens on the net, sometimes it's not the best idea to confront your potential business partner with intimate details of your sexual life.

Another option that I was thinking about is restricting reading/access permissions to people whom I either personally know or who have previously sent an inquiry of some sort. While this is certainly appealing, it would limit the number of potential readers a bit too much for my taste.

Now let's start to actually get into content rather than meta-discussions on this blog.

General Notes (please read!)

This blog contains phantasies and thoughts of as well as accounts of sexual deviation. Some readers might be upset about one or the other bit of perversion found here.

I am a firm believer in SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual). To me, any activity that two [or more] mature and physically sound adults consensually agree to engage in, is perfectly acceptable, provided that nobody else is harmed in any way. Who would we be, if we were to judge what they ought to do or not do?

Since I am (during BDSM play) a dominant and partially sadistic heterosexual male, most of the time I will be talking about a submissive/masochistic female partner. This does by no means imply that I support the [involuntary] supression of women in any way. In real life, I am a honest and caretaking person, who is very left-liberal and has no problem whatsoever with womens emancipation or the like.

If you still fell uncomfortable, try switching the gender of the roles while reading, or just don't read. Nobody forces you to read what you disaprove or don't like.

A random pervert's blog

Welcome to this new contribution to the world of weblogs, diaries and online journals.

I'm male, in my late twenties and my job is an IT professional. Ever since I was about twelve years old, I knew that my sexuality is somewhat different. Some people might call it creative, other people might call it perverted and use that word in a negative sense. To me, being called a pervert is actually a compliment, and I don't associate anything negative with that term.

My perversions currently include, but ar not limited to: Latex, corset, lycra and high heel fetish, bondage, Dominance/submission (I'm playing on the dominant side), and last but not least a healthy shot of sadism.

I've been pondering to start a journal on the pervy side of my personality [and life] for quite some time - in fact for many years. Due to various reasons (which will probably described at some later point) it never happened until now.

The content of this blog will by it's very nature be sexually explicit, at least from time to time ;). However, I intend to write at a level that doesn't insult the humble readers' intellect. In other words: Perversity with style.

And now, let the journey begin...